Resolutions for Failure in the New Year

Dreams concept

I could list for you all of the wonderful things I want to accomplish this year, but let’s face it, I’d just be setting us all up for disappointment. So instead, I offer a list of all of the ways I plan to fail in the coming twelve months:

  1. I will collect rejection letters (or emails) from at least three different publishers. I will write magazine articles that people don’t want to publish and maybe even a book proposal that elicits a less than enthusiastic response.
  2. There will be at least one thing from my 2015 “Vacation Project” list that is still not done by January 1, 2017. I nominate “organize PJ drawer,” but it could very well be “alphabetize books in basement.”
  3. I will fail to charm all of my blog readers, thus eliciting angry comments about my “liberal media racist anti-police crusade.” I will probably also fail to approve such comments. Because who needs more crap like that on the internet?
  4. I will fail spectacularly at a Pinterest-inspired project. It will look so good on my Pinterest board and even better in my head and the actual creation will bear little resemblance either image. This project may very well be a birthday cake, which is always a good thing to fail at because we’re just going to eat it anyway.
  5. I will plan a wonderfully meaningful church event. It will be creative and contemplative and have the potential to draw people into a deeper relationship with the Divine. Two people will come. (I can’t say if that number will include me or not.)
  6. I will get tired and grumpy and speak to one or more of my children in a less than kind way. Then I will have to apologize and fight the urge to qualify my apology by explaining just how truly TIRED and GRUMPY I was feeling at the time.
  7. I will crash my phone or computer. Because they are old. This laptop I’m typing on is at least five years old—which is like a hundred in computer years. And my phone is almost three now, which is like a gazillion in Apple years.
  8. I will waste time reading mystery novels. And not just the literary, theological ones like Rev. Clare Ferguson and Inspector Gamache. I will read truly silly and ridiculous mysteries with horrible puns for titles. (Die Like an Eagle is coming out in August!)
  9. I will say “yes” to something ill-advised that I really don’t have time to do. (Come to think of it, I can probably already check this one off my list for the year.)
  10. I will be completely random and inconsistent with my exercise “program.” I will exercise at the rec center while my daughter is at gymnastics practice—except when I have work that needs done. I will exercise at home with my Wii personal fitness coach—except when I get tired of her saying, “Wow. It’s been a long time since your last workout. You’ll get better results if you’re more consistent.” I will walk the dog. (Which I really will do because he insists on peeing and pooping every day and I prefer he not do that in the house. Thank God for my dog.)

May we all experience the grace of failure in the coming year. And a few successes as well.

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