A Modest Proposal for the Kansas State Budget

Kansas governor Sam Brownback and the Republican-majority congress just passed a state budget that will cut funding to public schools by 6% and freeze the wages of public employees at well-below market value. Does anyone else see a problem here?

Wasteful government spending is what I call it.

Here’s my modest proposal for further slashing the state budget:

We should start using all school-age children as a cheap labor force to do the work of those ridiculous public employees that keep wanting raises year after year after year.

I’m pretty sure that with just a brief training period my six-year-old could operate a backhoe. I mean, kids love to play with dump trucks and those toys that some parks have where you can scoop up the sand and swivel it around and dump it all out.

It would do my 12-year-old daughter good to clean some bathrooms. She could sing and clean all day. Get her young lungs used to those toxic chemicals she’ll be exposed to her whole life.

The 14-year-old would be perfect for answering phones at any of the state-run offices. “Yeah, waddaya want? . . . Who? . . . Huh? . . . Dunno. . . Whatever. . . Bye.”

This is a great plan! Think of all of the money we would save! Instead of one caring, trained, highly qualified teacher for every twenty-five kids (not to mention those expensive nurses, principles, counselors . . . ) we could just pay one low-wage overseer for ever 50-100 kids.

The school buildings themselves could be auctioned off. Or maybe turned into manufacturing plants where some of the children could sew clothes for us to ship over to China—thus helping the national trade deficit to boot.

Plus, our children would learn valuable, real-life skills. What good is reading Shakespeare or making art or singing or recess or writing essays or learning about the ecosystem? What they need to know in life is how to do an honest day’s work for less than an honest day’s pay. It’s the American way.

(Unless you’re rich, in which case our fine capitalist system is sure to generate plenty of high-quality private schools where your children will not have to associate with those other kids. Except of course for those few other kids who are assigned to clean their bathrooms and mow the school grounds.)

I say this is a win-win situation. Before long, Kansas could be a state with no taxes whatsoever! Heck, the state might even be able to pay us just for living here!

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2 thoughts on “A Modest Proposal for the Kansas State Budget

  1. today’s posting linked to this one. 4 years ago who would think this could be so much more closer to reality? Thanks for continuing to speak into the gale.

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