Excerpts from Interview with Todd Akin’s Doctor

Just ran across some interesting excerpts from an interview with Todd Akin and Bryan Fischer’s doctor:

You have to understand that people cannot break their ankles from a legitimate fall. When someone falls legitimately, the body produces hormones that inflate airbags around the ankles. Any fall that results in a broken ankle is clearly an illegitimate fall. You know, a jump or a skip or something like that. . . .

See, if a shark bites you legitimately, then it won’t be able to bite your arm off. When a human is actually attacked by a shark, the hormones kind of swirl around in there and, see, the hormones cause the skin to have steel-like properties and the shark’s teeth can’t bite through the skin. But if someone just swims up to a shark and sticks his arm in its mouth then, yeah, the shark can bite that arm off. . . .

People won’t die from a legitimate gunshot wound. The human body has this hormonal reaction type thing if someone shoots at them legitimately. And the hormones make the skin and the organs go slack, you know, so that the bullet can just kind of slip through without doing any serious damage. People are only killed by gunshots that are friendly, gunshots that they want, because then the hormones don’t kick in. . . .

A woman cannot became pregnant by legitimate rape. I mean, we all know that women don’t really get pregnant anyway. The storks bring the babies . . . which is how gay people get children . . . which they shouldn’t . . . ummm, what was the question?

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Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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